I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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