Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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