Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
