At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
