I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
