you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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