I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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