Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
