dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
