you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
