Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
