Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
