dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
