Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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