she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
