you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
