I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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