walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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