Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
