FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
