this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
operation harelip BJ is a go
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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