I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I did not marry a roomba.
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