i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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