I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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