home. puking in laundry basket.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
