Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
