Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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