Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
