Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
