My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
