When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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