Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
