if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
