Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
