Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
