actually, I'm a sock model
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
