oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
