woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
