I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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