he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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