If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
