Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
