I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
