Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
