I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
