i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
