My first STD was from a foam party
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
