The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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