Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
