I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
