It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
