John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
